


Without Words

by sunshinemckinley



Category: The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
Genre: Angst, Cancer, Connor McKinley - Freeform, Death, Elder McKinley - Freeform, M/M, Sad, chris poptarts, chris thomas - Freeform, elder poptarts - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-04
Updated: 2017-12-04
Packaged: 2019-02-10 11:51:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12911361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunshinemckinley/pseuds/sunshinemckinley
Summary: Connor is forced to say goodbye to his Mission Companion





	Without Words

For once in his life, Connor Mckinley was left without words. 

Everything had been fine. He was improving, they had told him. He would be out soon. Things would be better. Connor wished he had known that they were lying then. Maybe now he wouldn’t feel so melancholy inside if he had. 

He glanced around the room and began to take in everything. It was plain mostly. White. Lifeless. It made him feel sick in the stomach. How could someone decorate a room and make it this… depressing? It was nothingness! He wondered why people sent their loved ones to be cared for here. He liked to think that they were sickened by the draining emptiness of the walls too, especially if they were here every day. 

He looked at the one exit the empty room had. He had hoped that one day he would be helping his boyfriend walk out of it to the car, where they’d go home and cuddle on the couch with their dog. They’d play video games and eat sweet foods and laugh as the days went by, and everything would be alright. They had a future planned, the two of them. Connor would dance while his love ran a bakery of sweet goods. Both of them would succeed, things would be grand and nothing would go wrong ever again.

Finally, Connor laid his eyes on the small figure in his arms. He had thinned since his first visit to hospital, and his once golden locks had now completely dissipated. His smile had completely vanished as well, but there were still lines on his face from where it once sat. Chris was weak. Chris was exhausted.  
Chris was not going to make it through the night. 

That was a fact that they both knew, no matter how much it pained them to think of it. So here they were, laying together and pretending that nothing would ever go wrong again. 

“You look distracted.”

“Distracted? Never.”

Chris let out a sigh. “We can’t pretend it wont happen Connor. It’s coming, that’s knowledge for both of us. It has been for a long time.”  
“And so you’re just going to accept it?”

He sighed. “I don’t know. What else am I to do?”

Connor let out a little groan, being slightly frustrated with his boyfriend. He listened to the beeps of the heart rate monitor, closing his eyes. “Fight. Fight for your life and don’t give in until the last minute. Don’t let that horrid cancerous monster win.”

“Well what do you think I’ve been doing since I found out? You think I just… I just gave in at the beginning? Hundreds, hundreds of treatments! Most of them failures, hours of pain! Hours of lost sleep and wanting the pain to be over! Times where I thought it had disappeared, and then it was back! I’ve fought my battle Connor! I fought like the dying soldier I am and at this last moment, I just want peace!” He yelled, letting out a quiet yelp as something pained him. 

Connor loosened his grip a little on Chris before tightening it once his boyfriend became comfortable again. “I know you have. You’ve fought so hard… I’m sorry. I just thought maybe if you fought a tiny bit more…”

“I can barely breathe on my own anymore. Heck, I’m struggling to talk to you right now,” He admitted, lifting his hand and placing it gently on Connor’s cheek. “We both need to move on. You need to go live your life, find someone else to love… I need to go to the stars.”

Tears were threatening to spill from Connor’s eyes. “And what if I don’t want to love another? All I want is you,” He whispered, pressing his forehead to Chris’. They both sat there in silence for a few moments before Chris weakly opened his eyes and looked into Connor’s.

“I love you more than words can say. I’ll watch over you from above, I promise,” He admitted, closing his eyes once again. Connor quickly took Chris’ hand, squeezing it. “Chris? Chris please. No, no… Chris?” he whispered, analysing his lover for any signs of life.

His chest had stopped rising and falling. His eyes were closed and any trace of colour left in his cheeks was gone. His hand fell from Connor’s face and rested down at his side, his palm turned up to the ceiling. 

It wasn’t long before Connor had burst into sobs, tightening his grip on Chris and refusing to let go. His lover, his best friend, his mission companion… he was gone. After struggling so much, he was gone. 

“I’ll watch over you.”

The words replayed in Connor’s mind as he removed himself from the bed, standing and walking out of the hospital. Maybe Chris was gone, but he would always be in Connor’s heart. He could never forget the vibrant, giggly friend that was his mission companion.

Connor would never forget Christopher Thomas.


End file.
